🔗 Share this article

The program for the prestigious venue in Washington shows a fun bilingual performance and an improvised theatrical troupe. Notably missing from the advertised schedule is the upcoming FIFA World Cup draw, likely because it is a exclusively private affair. Organizers likely want to keep out any uninvited attendees from showing up at what threatens to be an drawn-out, self-aggrandizing ceremony where well-paid dignitaries will doubtlessly parrot the old platitude that "soccer brings together the world."

A Star-Studded Hosting Team

The lavish event is scheduled to be hosted by television personality Heidi Klum alongside small-statured American standup comedian and actor Kevin Hart. Adding to the celebrity roster will be American football icon Eli Manning on welcoming details and actor Danny Ramirez as a roaming correspondent. Together, they will preside over a production that will certainly have English football fans nostalgic for yearning for the simpler, unpretentious days of former managers, FA officials, the old draw system and a trusty velvet bag of simple, numbered balls.

Set to last almost three grueling hours, the event will feature a lengthy agenda of lengthy speeches, overly sentimental highlight reels, approved gags, famous faces, performances from artists with either little shame or financial motivations, and then... at last, the real World Cup draw.

Athletic Greats on Ceremony Detail

Among those helping to carrying out the ceremony? Basketball legend Shaquille O'Neal, ice hockey great Wayne Gretzky, football star Tom Brady and baseball slugger Aaron Judge, all plucking balls under the supervision of former defender Rio Ferdinand. Considering the considerable, deep well of personality possessed by these veteran sporting legends, barring an armed snatch-squad crashing the event, it's difficult to envision what could possibly go wrong.

Actually, not much, if the insensitive justification of FIFA's widely reported World Cup ticket price-gouging mounted by an overly deferential English yes-man is any sort of gauge. Upon being questioned if tickets should be more affordable for non-millionaires, the response was non-committal. "In my view we have to be conscious of that and I think FIFA are certainly people that are conscious of that," was the comment. "However, I think we can look at every industry, every sector, we could have that discussion about things," he added. The suggestion appeared that high prices are acceptable when contrasted with other luxury items.

The Actual Draw

With 42 countries already qualified for next year's tournament and six more set to qualify, there will be a genuine feeling of excitement once the opening acts conclude and the actual draw begins. But as fans worldwide wait with bated breath to see which three nations their particular country will play in the group stages, the suspense will be nothing compared to that which comes before the announcement of the recipient of FIFA's first-ever award for peace for "individuals who help unite people in peace through steadfast dedication and notable deeds." Given that the draw is in Washington and the World Cup is primarily in the US, guesses about the recipient are ripe, though the clues are apparent.

"There's no concern at the moment. I was in contact with the owner today. My connection with him is rock solid really. I have a truly transparent and frank relationship. So regarding my position in that sense I have absolutely no worries whatsoever" – comments from a coach whose side in the midst of a five-game losing streak, providing a textbook quote-that-will-definitely-get-resurfaced if/when changes occur down the line.

Readers' Letters

• "Further to the discussion of a potential club named Kevin... there is an exciting Brazilian winger named Kevin at a Premier League club who cost more than £30m. Perhaps Kevin could be persuaded to buy a Highland League club and bestow his name on it."
• "Going to local games in the past, when the opponent was 'Keith', a common jest was: 'What, on his own?'"
• "I stopped reading after nine words. 'Comprised of'! Of what were you thinking? To comprise means to consist of. So to comprise of means to consist of of. The extra 'of' is as unnecessary as an extra official."
• "There is apprehension ahead of FIFA's World Cup draw: just what memorable tune will a famous group come up with if a political figure remains on the stage, thereby necessitating an encore?"