Evening Comics Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

Late-night's top entertainers spent the evening ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's just launched immigration initiative, dubbed the "golden visa," portraying it as a clear pay-for-access scheme for the affluent.

Colbert's Sarcastic Spin

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert presented a mock Christmas song about the president. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, before handing that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... destroys each thing he touches."

Colbert's target was the controversial program that allows overseas nationals to acquire U.S. residence for a sum of a million dollars, with a "top-tier" option for 5 million. A government portal pledges processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick thought for you to wealthy applicants: prior to you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the card is also meant to "get cash" from businesses wanting to hire foreign workers, involving hefty costs. "That is a lot of fees, however if you register, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your selection – as long as it's the that one hotel," he said.

"The most thorough vetting the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these people completely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit wealthy international individuals to live here," he stated. "For a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choice."

"It might be time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the form, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining poll numbers amid financial worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a attempt to discuss prices, Trump held a press conference in front of a selection of grocery items, and behaved strangely to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing right-leaning news arguments of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he remarked.